5 Years On - Bye Dubai

In a few hours from now I will be boarding a flight to re-locate to Mumbai after 5 years outside India.

It seems only yesterday that I had blogged about my feelings while moving from India to Dubai in 2009 in the post titled Starting All Over Again in which I had bitterly complained about my restless nature and foolish idealism (and therefore the pain that comes along with it).  In that post I had expressed my deep envy of people who remain rooted and are quite content being where they are.

Hardly anything has changed since 5 years.  I am still deeply envious of people who are happy being where they are....

All I can say is that I am quite sad leaving Dubai (as I was sad leaving India 5 years ago).  But I am happy to be sad - as it implies I have had very positive experiences here.  It is always better to be sad on leaving a place ...... 

Thank you to my fantastic circle of friends for ensuring that I will continue to miss this place for a long time to come.

Seat Mate Expectations

I sat in the middle "sandwich" seat of the aircraft, and engaged in my favourite activity : watch the passengers board the aircraft, and as they walk down the aisle try to guess which of them would be occupying the seats on either side of mine.

The seat on the aisle side got occupied by a person looking like a retired mafia don - he overflowed from the seat, so I hoped that the window side seat will be occupied by someone slimmer.

A petite, stylish young lady was now approaching the seats - would she be the one occupying the window seat next to me?  I very much hoped she would be my seat mate.

Alas, she sat in the window seat in the row just before mine.

A couple approached and requested the lady whether she could shift to the seat behind her (i.e. to the window seat next to me) as the couple were given seats in different rows, and they would like to sit together.

The lady hesitated.  Then she said "let me check".

She got up, and looked directly at me.  It was almost as if she was taking a decision on whether or not to shift depending on whether she liked me or not.

I seemed to please her, as she turned around to the couple and told them that she will shift to the seat behind.

I was ecstatic.  Did she shift because she sensed that I would be excellent company for her - probably she was aware that I wrote a blog and wanted to sit next to a well known blogger.  Or probably she was looking for romance (or adventure?) and was attracted to my famous George Clooney look.

She moved into the seat next to me, and I waited for her to drop a suitable hint about her expectations. I was keen to live up to her expectations.

I need not have bothered.  2 minutes after she sat in the seat she started snoring loudly, and woke up only after the aircraft landed in Dubai.

"Like" Discord

Nowadays it is crucial to do image management, and portray this image of being a far-sighted visionary Leader. Accordingly, I took a selfie of me looking into the far distance, and posted it as my profile photo on fb.

Unfortunately, my wife too decided to update her profile photo the same day.  Here are the 2 photos - and you can see whose photo is clearly superior (mine of course) ...........

In about an hour she mentioned triumphantly "25 likes so far".  I checked mine - no "like" so far.

Another hour later she said "50 likes".  I checked mine - nothing so far.  I was getting highly irritated now.  I mean to say, where are my friends?  Where are the guys who like Intellect?  What are they doing?  Can't they just use one of their fingers and bail me out of this terrible situation?

My wife seemed to be wallowing in her superiority over me - constantly monitoring fb and giving a running commentary on the accumulating "Likes".  Why, she even took her mobile phone into the bathroom, and came out 5 minutes later and triumphantly announced :" I just went in for 5 minutes, and have got another 50 likes".

I mean this is the height!  But there may be a secret there.  I too took my phone into the bathroom.  My son was waiting for me outside the bathroom when I came out. "Let me guess - no likes yet, right?" he said.  That fellow likes to rub it in.

Likes : 192 Comments : 15

By the end of the day, the scores read:

Likes : 1 Comments : 2

Even the 2 comments for my photo were politely enquiring whether I was alright.

That is it.  I am off fb from now on.  

Success - Cherish It

Here are my key learnings from the very interesting talk given by Swami Swaroopanand of Chinmaya Mission.

1.  Even the most apparently "Successful" person (e.g. CEOs of very successful organisations) when they introspect feel that they are not successful. The feeling of Success is very elusive and very very temporal.

2. Success is inevitably linked to material wealth.  Yes, material wealth is one of the measures of success (and in fact Hinduism is the only religion that actually worships wealth as a Goddess) - and which is why people like to flaunt their material wealth.  But there are many more - and more important - parameters for defining Success.

3. Some others define Success as "Happiness by Achieving one's goals".  Yes, this is a better definition of Success, but still not good enough.  We may set goals (e.g. buying a house, getting a promotion etc) - but goals keep stretching as we achieve each milestone - and every time we achieve a goal it does not give us any real feeling of being Successful.

4. The real definition of Success is in the feeling of one's own potential being maximised.  Nothing makes a person feel more Unsuccessful than being grossly under-utilised relative to his potential.

5. If a person is stretched to the maximum (in a way that is relevant to his potential/talent), then that itself gives him a Bigger Purpose in Life.  This discovery of the Bigger Purpose itself gives a feeling of Success and hence satisfaction.  As long as a person is really doing his utmost, then the fruits of the efforts (i.e. the goals) become less important, and the fear of failure vanishes. The ability to take Risks (in line with one's potential) increases.

6. In order to achieve this, one has to get out of the mentality of "Small" thinking and Negativity  - hence it is critical that we operate in an environment that fosters confidence, provides encouragement, and is filled with Positivity.

7. The role of Leadership in creating this right environment for fostering Success is therefore crucial. Most people believe that a Leader has to rule by dominance - and dominance does sometimes lead to short term success for a leader.  However, in the long term the only leadership style that sustains the feeling of Success is the loving environment where the leader helps identify each of his subordinates' potential, and encourages each person to maximise his potential.   

Investment Learnings - Cycles

Fortunes are made on the stock market only when a person buys under-valued stocks in well managed companies at the bottom of a cycle, and then rides the cycle with patience.  However, a lot of us wait for the cycle to turn, and then lose hope and sell off prematurely, just before we see dawn. And we therefore lose the opportunity to make the fortune, and end up with a big loss instead.

But be careful - riding the business cycle is relevant when talking about industries, not about individual companies.  While industries recover, it is not necessary that an individual company in that industry recover from the cycle due to some strategic errors it has made.  To illustrate, about a decade ago I had invested in a company called Moser-Baer which is into manufacture of data storage systems and solar photo-voltaic cells - both big ticket items about 10 years ago.  I assumed I had made a good study of the trends, and invested wisely in a company which was into 2 high growth sectors.

I was badly mistaken.

1.While there will always be a need for data storage systems, the problem was that this organisation had defined data storage systems as physical hard-drives, and CD-ROMS - so it was left out in the cold when the storage system moved rapidly into a cloud platform.

2. Similarly its solar cells business got into trouble when the technology rapidly changed and a superior form of solar cells with greater efficiency came into the market at lower price points.

In both these cases, the move away from a format is irreversible, though both the industries emerged from the cycle stronger. Hence I was forced to cut my losses and run.

What about basic industries such as shipping and mining which are currently at its nadir?  My belief is that these industries have existed for centuries in more or less the same form, and will never go out of existence.  So those holding shipping and mining stocks in ethically run organisations - keep your faith for a little longer, and hold - and to quote Howard Marks, the legendary investor, you will surely gain when the cycle turns.

Party Games & Domestic Harmony

Domestic harmony was almost destabilized yesterday.

We were attending a friends’ wedding anniversary party.  All was going well, until one of the enthusiastic ladies suddenly got up and announced grandly “We are going to have a game”.  She then paused dramatically and expectantly waited to hear the cheers and whoops of delight.

All the gentlemen were busy trying to see whether they have lost anything beneath the table. But that was a trivial challenge for her and within a matter of minutes, she had rounded up all the men and lined them up in a straight line with their eyes blind-folded.

“The game is simple.  All you men have to do is to answer correctly a few questions about your wife” she said.

A collective groan went up from the assembled men – there is no surer way to upset domestic bliss as getting things wrong about the spouse in a public forum.  But there was no escape.

So there I was, my head all wrapped up like an honourable al Qaeda representative, and the 1^st question was thrown at me : “Describe what your wife is wearing now on her feet”.

Is her shoe black, brown or blue? I wondered.  Or maybe it is the yellow sandals that she might have borrowed from my daughter.

I took a guess : “brown shoes” I said. 

“You are wrong – it is black” a triumphant voice announced.

“Oh, oh” – I felt like making a dash for the exit – but the thick blind-fold prevented me from knowing where the exit was.

4 more questions followed.  I was lucky, I got the rest correct. 

There was 1 gentlemen who got only 1 answer correct, and another 3 who got only 2 correct.  What losers!

These loser husbands were given minor punishments such as lifting up their wife. Of course, the way their shoulders drooped, it was apparent that the loser husbands were sure there will be more severe punishments to follow at home.

I did not wait for the 2^nd game – did not want to trust my luck too much.

In Awe

That God exists is a fact for me.  The number of times He has come to my rescue, and showered me with his benevolence and generosity leaves me with no doubt.

I love my God.  But I also am afraid of him.  Whenever I have done anything mean or selfish, punishment has been quick and severe.  Fear of Him keeps me on the straight and narrow path.  It forces me to think carefully about the implications before I take any action - and it constantly reminds me to be humble.

When I think of God, the word that comes to my mind is "Awe" - and I suspect this is because of the combination of Love and Fear I have for Him.

I wish one day I can truthfully say that the only emotion that comes to my mind when I think of Him is Love. But for that to happen I need to evolve to a different higher level - and I think that is going to take me a long time.

Thank you for a Marvellous 20

A rather reticent young man met a very charming vivacious young lady. They first met at a restaurant over orange juice, and then they continued the conversation sitting on the steps leading to an old water well in her garden. He sat tongue tied as usual – while this beautiful young lady kept on chattering excitedly.  Being more comfortable in the company of books and music, he wondered with astonishment how someone could chatter so much and yet make sense.

Every now and then she will stop and ask him “so what are you thinking?”.  He badly wanted to make an impression on her, and express all the emotions that was flooding within him.   But all he could muster – much to her amusement – was that “my mind is blank”.  

In the 20 years since then, this lady has been more than just an interesting conversationalist and an exceptional loving person.  She also put up with his eccentricities - whether it is his peculiar food tastes (he finally has a paunch to prove it), or his vagabond "here today, there tomorrow" nature. 

Vandana, thank you for formally letting me into your life 20 years ago. You have been my pillar and inspiration these past 20 years - and I consider myself exceptionally lucky. 

Will The Real Ram Mohan Rao turn up?

Apparently somewhere in this world there is my namesake who graduated from IIT Kharagpur 40 years ago.  The IIT alumni group administrator must have googled for a “Ram Mohan Rao”, and mistakenly got my email id – so for the last 1 month I have been getting dozens of emails every day from that alumni group planning their 40^th reunion, combined with the 60^th birthday celebrations of some of the alumni members.

I of course love reading other’s mails and getting to know all their dark secrets – but 50 mails a day is a bit too much even for me.  So I politely wrote to the group:

“Dear all, for the last 2 months my email inbox has been flooded with emails about your 40^th year reunion.  I am afraid you have got the email id of the wrong Ram Mohan Rao.  I do not have the good fortune of studying at IIT Kharagpur, and nor – much as I have an abundance of grey hair - have I completed 60 years of age.  So kindly remove me from your mailing list”.

I got this reply from one Mr. Somanjalu Reddy : “Dear Ram Mohan – ha ha.  So you continue to be as funny as you were 40 years ago.  I remember you pontificating on your communist view-point about “elitist” IIT when half way through your 2^nd bottle of rum.  And what is this about grey hair - you had gone completely bald when you left IIT, ha ha.  I look forward to seeing you at the reunion next month and please come with a fresh set of naughty jokes”. 

This mail was addressed to the entire mailing group – and I had to of course correct the perception.  So I shot off another mail:

“Dear Mr. Somanjalu and others :  I need to correct your impression that I am masquerading as some other Ram Mohan Rao.  I repeat I am not THE drunkard Ram Mohan Rao who is apparently notorious for his communist view point and silly sexist jokes.  Despite my best attempts I have never been able to finish off even 1 bottle of Rum, and I am quite proud of the natural grey hair on my head. I am again requesting you to remove me from your mailing list, otherwise I will have to report you to the authorities for harassment and libel.”

To which one Mr. Nanjagundappa Chettiar replied : “heh heh Ram – you almost fooled me - you are still so funny.  I remember the incident in the college hostel when after just 1 mug of beer you  wore a half-saree and started dancing with a pot balanced on your head.  It is only after you finished your 3^rd bottle of rum that we managed to quieten you down.  Your humour rocks as usual, buddy, – and we should paint the town red like in the good old days.”

I chose not to reply.  I hope their famous Ram Mohan Rao somehow gets to hear about the reunion and turns up - otherwise the re-union will be a very dull affair. 

On What Concerns Today's Eligible Young Bachelors

We have an open office plan – and until recently I was only aware of the disadvantages.  Until this incident happened during the lunch hour in the office.........

An over-powering smell of Chicken Biriyani, Mutton Kheema and Egg noodles made me realize that the table behind me has been occupied by a trio having their lunch.  Soon the lunch conversation drifted into discussing their weekend activity…

Since I cannot reveal their names, let me call them Party 1, Party 2, and Party 3.

Party 1 : “I went to Main Tera Hero movie this weekend, and my girlfriend thought the hero Varun Dhawan was really sexy”.  He said it in a petulant tone, which was picked upon by the other 2 parties.

Party 2 : “It must be his pectorals, and the way he twitches them in the song while holding 2 girls on either side”.

Party 3 : “Yeah, I don’t know how he manages to shake his breasts” – the envy clearly showing.

Party 1 mulled over this, and then blurted out the question that he was wrestling with for some time : “Do you think girls like guys who can twitch their pectorals?”. 

I could detect a certain anxiety in his voice.

There was collective silence as the 3 parties brooded on this difficult question for the rest of their lunch.

All the 3 parties looked like the fit ones who go to the gym - but when it comes to twitching the pectorals, it is a hard act to follow, undoubtedly.

Very insightful indeed. 

Yes, the open seating plan does have its advantages. 

Will You Give Me A Job?

OPEN LETTER TO VINOD MEHTA, EDITOR OF OUTLOOK MAGAZINE

Dear Editor,

I recently read an issue of Outlook after a very long time.  I notice that you are giving writing opportunities to unknown journalists such as Kumar Ketkar ("covered the collapse of the Soviet union") and Saba Naqvi et al - anybody who is willing to be virulently anti-Modi.  

I am a budding writer (www.vandram.blogspot.com) desperate for a break in journalism.  I am willing to do anything - even write anti-Modi articles - to get my name in print in such a prestigious magazine as yours.  The only subject I am NOT willing to write on is against Jewellery buying.  You see my wife hates anyone mentioning that jewellery is a bad investment, and since we stay in the same house, I am very keen on safeguarding my physical wellbeing.

With warm regards, an aspiring journalist

Ram Mohan Rao

The Bride Cometh

“I hope she likes my choice of house” Sandeep said, his face for the first time showing some nervousness.

We – Sandeep and I - were standing outside the arrival gate of the Dubai airport terminal.  Sandeep got married recently during his vacation in India. After a short honey-moon, he returned to Dubai and quickly processed his wife’s residence visa.  She was arriving tonight – and as he did not have a car, I had volunteered to give them a lift home.

He was excited and full of anticipation about the reunion.  It has been a long 2 months of separation.

“She will like it as long as the bathroom and toilet are good” I told him. 

This was experience speaking.  As we know, wives are notoriously difficult to satisfy when it comes to a house that the husband has selected.   I have driven several land-lords and estate agents up the wall with my strange behavior whenever I have looked around for housing.  They will start showing me all the good things of a house e.g. the view from the balcony or the spacious wardrobe – but all I would be interested would be in examining the bathroom.  This of course comes from knowing the wife well.

“Yes, the bathroom is clean – but I am worried about the dust and the noise as my apartment faces the main road.” he said gloomily.

Just then his wife made a grand appearance, and I did my best to keep myself out of their way.

The drive to their house was quite stressful.  When a newly married couple who have been separated for 2 months are suddenly re-united, there are a lot of interesting things that they would rather engage in.  But in the presence of grey bearded individuals they are forced to show a certain restraint.

I helped them with the luggage up to their apartment.  

The wife was quietly surveying the apartment.   I thought it was time for me to leave.

Sandeep chose to come out of the apartment and escorted me back to where I had parked my car.  

“You do not need to escort me  - your place is by her side when she explores her new house” I told him, thinking that I will share my wealth of 20 years of married experience with this novice.

“On the contrary I should not be around when she first surveys the house. By the time I go back she would have come to terms with whatever defects she may find with the house” he said with a wink.

He seems to be already talking like a much married man.

“Beta, you will certainly go far in your married life.” I told him, as he galloped his way back to his apartment. 

Subtle Conversations

Valentine’s day is approaching, and it is time for my wife to drop her very subtle hints.

“I saw a beautiful necklace in that jewellery shop yesterday – I think it will look very good on me”.  My wife believes in being subtle – on such issues she does not believe in putting her husband under pressure. 

There was a time 20 years ago when I would have immediately given an equally subtle reply to this very subtle hint – but now after spending 20 years with her I have learnt that maintaining a discrete silence is the best approach.

“Maybe you should give this as a gift for Valentine’s” says my son.

I gave a dirty look at my son – he just did what in Konkani is called “adding Phunn” – basically adding fuel to the fire.

“So did you hear what I just said”? she now asks, raising her voice a bit.

There is no way I can avoid this, so I put on the best imitation of Lord Emsworth and say “Um ….. what? ……. Sorry….?”  and then gazed vaguely into the distance, hoping that the conversation would die out naturally........

“You always do this – you never hear me when it does not suit your purpose” she said.

“Daddy must be having lots of office worries on his mind” said my son.  He is developing “Phunn” into a fine art.

 “What office worries  – his mind is always blank” she said caustically.

“I have developed very selective listening after working in a very noisy office.  I can only hear important conversation” I said, hoping to add the much required humor into the conversation.  

“So whatever I say is unimportant to you” she says, agitated.

Oh, Oh........  

“Not always” I say in a small voice.

“Yeah, not always” loudly repeats my son helpfully - so that she can hear it clearly in case my response was inaudible to her. 

My son sits back contentedly in his seat - his good deed for the day done.