Whither Sarcasm

"Apologies - there will be no further delays.  My cable technician has neared your home, and will be at your home in precisely 7 minutes" said the clipped military voice from the cable shop.  And typical of a person who values and measures time precisely, he hung up before I could ask him anything else.

I can understand if a person says "5 minutes" or "10 minutes" - it typically means in Egypt (as in India) anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours.  But the "7 minutes" had a ring of authenticity to it - nobody can be so precise unless they know for a fact that it is indeed going to happen in 7 minutes.

I waited.  And waited.  Finally he turned up almost an hour later.

After the repair man left, I called up the cable shop owner to give him a piece of my mind.

I (in my most sarcastic tone) : "Your cable guy finally came to my house in PRECISELY 52 minutes 37 seconds after your phone call".

Cable shop owner : "He came, did he?  Good.  Good night" and then he hung-up before I could slip in another word edgewise.

I am losing my faith in sarcasm.

Precision

There is something formidable about precision.  We all love Swiss watches, and we all love precision in our Market Research data.

I was visiting Muscat and was having dinner with a client, and another person called CS whose agency conducted the fieldwork for us in Oman.

During the course of the dinner, the client - who had a reputation for being a stickler for accuracy - said:

John (the client) : "it is unfortunate that none of you Market research agencies seem to be able to give me precise market shares of the leading lube brands ...."

I : "Yes, it is difficult to assess that unless we carry out a large quantitative study"

CS (field supplier): "Your market share is 93.56%"

Stunned silence at the table.  The client's mouth was agape.

The client : "From where did you get this figure, CS?".

CS : "I know that for a fact".

I : "John, there is some soup on your collar".

The change of topic helped.  But the client was silent for the rest of the dinner, raising his head from the plate only to dart quick suspicious glances at CS.

After the dinner I took CS aside.

I : "Where did you get that number from?"

CS : "The client's brand is everywhere - it is obviously the leader"

I : "Yes, we all know it is the leader, but where did you get that number of 93.56% from?"

CS : "What is the problem? That is just a number to indicate that the client brand is the market leader.  I have seen lots of you researchers presenting such kind of numbers to clients in their presentations, and clients don't question those numbers"

I : "You cannot make up a random number like that.  We researchers present such kind of numbers only after we carry out fieldwork".

CS  : "Yes, and it is I who carries out all your fieldwork".

The conversation was getting into dangerous territory, and I thought it is better to beat a hasty retreat than probe into the implications of that statement.

There was one client though who seemed to have forever lost his taste for precision.