Any decision need to be examined through the lens of the life-stage of the person who took that decision, and the emotional state he was in when he took the decision. A decision taken by a person in one life-stage when he is in an exuberant state of mind (e.g. by a 'care-free' bachelor) may look flippant or selfish to a person who is in another life-stage (e.g. a person who has 2 teen-age kids). And similarly, to a care-free bachelor a decision taken by a person in another life-stage might seem ridiculous and too compromising.
Every decision involves a trade-off and a risk that events will not turn out the way you had anticipated at the time of taking the decision. E.g. I may decide to invest in a large 3 bedroom apartment even though I may not be able to afford the large EMI at my current salary. The trade-off here is that I will need to work harder in order to pay off the loan, and the risk is that the real estate market may crumble in the future, or I may lose my job. Only people who have been in that particular life-stage will understand or appreciate the thought process and emotional feelings that a person must have gone through to arrive at a decision - particularly a tough or an unpleasant decision.
As I become older, I have noticed 2 changes in the way I approach decisions:
CHANGE 1
Change in speed of decision making : I notice that decisions that I used to take quickly in my younger days are now-a-days taking me much longer; and conversely, decisions that I once used to agonise over I take it quickly now without even thinking much. I have become faster when the decisions pertain to money, investments, how much money I should put into a car or a holiday etc. I guess I have become faster at this because these are skill based decisions where I become better over time at assessing risk vs reward and I am now able to distance myself from "feelings" when I take such decisions.
But I have become much slower now when the decisions pertain to anything that affects individuals in my family, and my family as a unit : when to take a holiday, whether or where to re-locate, whether to accept a new exciting job offer which might mean spending more time away from family, and how and with whom I spend my time. Here I am not dealing with risk - I am dealing with its big brother - uncertainty - as I am no longer dealing with probabilities but with the dynamics of human emotions. As my life-stage evolves such decisions will becoming increasingly complex - so a constant learning curve.
CHANGE 2
Stopped Justifying and Being Judgemental : I have stopped - or at least consciously trying to stop - two of my bad habits when it comes to decisions. The 1st bad habit is explaining the rationale for my decisions to others, and the 2nd bad habit is passing value judgments on others' decisions.
Explaining a decision (which has already been taken) to a person in another life-stage is a waste of time for both parties - the other person will only indicate a hundred other equally valid reasons why that decision was wrong. Since nobody can ever be sure whether their decision was "correct", that would only provoke a defensive response leading to unpleasantness - so nowadays I just shrug my shoulders and smile when somebody comments on my decision.
And as for my other bad habit - I was guilty (during my care-free years) of the crime of passing judgement on other's so called "emotional and compromising" decisions : I blush now at such behaviour. I now only mull over what circumstances would have forced the other to arrive at that decision. And then I keep my mouth tightly shut.
Every decision involves a trade-off and a risk that events will not turn out the way you had anticipated at the time of taking the decision. E.g. I may decide to invest in a large 3 bedroom apartment even though I may not be able to afford the large EMI at my current salary. The trade-off here is that I will need to work harder in order to pay off the loan, and the risk is that the real estate market may crumble in the future, or I may lose my job. Only people who have been in that particular life-stage will understand or appreciate the thought process and emotional feelings that a person must have gone through to arrive at a decision - particularly a tough or an unpleasant decision.
As I become older, I have noticed 2 changes in the way I approach decisions:
CHANGE 1
Change in speed of decision making : I notice that decisions that I used to take quickly in my younger days are now-a-days taking me much longer; and conversely, decisions that I once used to agonise over I take it quickly now without even thinking much. I have become faster when the decisions pertain to money, investments, how much money I should put into a car or a holiday etc. I guess I have become faster at this because these are skill based decisions where I become better over time at assessing risk vs reward and I am now able to distance myself from "feelings" when I take such decisions.
But I have become much slower now when the decisions pertain to anything that affects individuals in my family, and my family as a unit : when to take a holiday, whether or where to re-locate, whether to accept a new exciting job offer which might mean spending more time away from family, and how and with whom I spend my time. Here I am not dealing with risk - I am dealing with its big brother - uncertainty - as I am no longer dealing with probabilities but with the dynamics of human emotions. As my life-stage evolves such decisions will becoming increasingly complex - so a constant learning curve.
CHANGE 2
Stopped Justifying and Being Judgemental : I have stopped - or at least consciously trying to stop - two of my bad habits when it comes to decisions. The 1st bad habit is explaining the rationale for my decisions to others, and the 2nd bad habit is passing value judgments on others' decisions.
Explaining a decision (which has already been taken) to a person in another life-stage is a waste of time for both parties - the other person will only indicate a hundred other equally valid reasons why that decision was wrong. Since nobody can ever be sure whether their decision was "correct", that would only provoke a defensive response leading to unpleasantness - so nowadays I just shrug my shoulders and smile when somebody comments on my decision.
And as for my other bad habit - I was guilty (during my care-free years) of the crime of passing judgement on other's so called "emotional and compromising" decisions : I blush now at such behaviour. I now only mull over what circumstances would have forced the other to arrive at that decision. And then I keep my mouth tightly shut.
4 comments:
INTERESTING READING. MADE ME THINK ON THE DYNAMICS OF DECISION MAKING, THE ROLE AND INFLUENCE OF EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE, CIRCUMSTANCES AND SURROUNDINGS OF ONES FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS AND FAMILY ON DECISION MAKING AND THEN OF COURSE THE RULE OF RISK VERSUS REWARD.
MY ANOTHER THOUGHT WAS ON ONES INNATE GUTS OR COURAGE TO TAKE THIS ACTION.
Yes Manu, I have merely scratched teh surface. Decision Making is a very complex science. Lots of Pop Psychologists and Pop Sociologists are minting money by writing books on Behavioural Science which mainly centers around how people take decisions
You might have checked out Dan Ariely on his blogs. His book on Predictably Irrational is a good read
Hi Mohan - yes, Predictably Irrational is a very good book. The other book I really loved on this subject was Nassim Taleb's "Fooled by Randomness"
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