Will The Real Ram Mohan Rao turn up?

Apparently somewhere in this world there is my namesake who graduated from IIT Kharagpur 40 years ago.  The IIT alumni group administrator must have googled for a “Ram Mohan Rao”, and mistakenly got my email id – so for the last 1 month I have been getting dozens of emails every day from that alumni group planning their 40^th reunion, combined with the 60^th birthday celebrations of some of the alumni members.

I of course love reading other’s mails and getting to know all their dark secrets – but 50 mails a day is a bit too much even for me.  So I politely wrote to the group:

“Dear all, for the last 2 months my email inbox has been flooded with emails about your 40^th year reunion.  I am afraid you have got the email id of the wrong Ram Mohan Rao.  I do not have the good fortune of studying at IIT Kharagpur, and nor – much as I have an abundance of grey hair - have I completed 60 years of age.  So kindly remove me from your mailing list”.

I got this reply from one Mr. Somanjalu Reddy : “Dear Ram Mohan – ha ha.  So you continue to be as funny as you were 40 years ago.  I remember you pontificating on your communist view-point about “elitist” IIT when half way through your 2^nd bottle of rum.  And what is this about grey hair - you had gone completely bald when you left IIT, ha ha.  I look forward to seeing you at the reunion next month and please come with a fresh set of naughty jokes”. 

This mail was addressed to the entire mailing group – and I had to of course correct the perception.  So I shot off another mail:

“Dear Mr. Somanjalu and others :  I need to correct your impression that I am masquerading as some other Ram Mohan Rao.  I repeat I am not THE drunkard Ram Mohan Rao who is apparently notorious for his communist view point and silly sexist jokes.  Despite my best attempts I have never been able to finish off even 1 bottle of Rum, and I am quite proud of the natural grey hair on my head. I am again requesting you to remove me from your mailing list, otherwise I will have to report you to the authorities for harassment and libel.”

To which one Mr. Nanjagundappa Chettiar replied : “heh heh Ram – you almost fooled me - you are still so funny.  I remember the incident in the college hostel when after just 1 mug of beer you  wore a half-saree and started dancing with a pot balanced on your head.  It is only after you finished your 3^rd bottle of rum that we managed to quieten you down.  Your humour rocks as usual, buddy, – and we should paint the town red like in the good old days.”

I chose not to reply.  I hope their famous Ram Mohan Rao somehow gets to hear about the reunion and turns up - otherwise the re-union will be a very dull affair. 

On What Concerns Today's Eligible Young Bachelors

We have an open office plan – and until recently I was only aware of the disadvantages.  Until this incident happened during the lunch hour in the office.........

An over-powering smell of Chicken Biriyani, Mutton Kheema and Egg noodles made me realize that the table behind me has been occupied by a trio having their lunch.  Soon the lunch conversation drifted into discussing their weekend activity…

Since I cannot reveal their names, let me call them Party 1, Party 2, and Party 3.

Party 1 : “I went to Main Tera Hero movie this weekend, and my girlfriend thought the hero Varun Dhawan was really sexy”.  He said it in a petulant tone, which was picked upon by the other 2 parties.

Party 2 : “It must be his pectorals, and the way he twitches them in the song while holding 2 girls on either side”.

Party 3 : “Yeah, I don’t know how he manages to shake his breasts” – the envy clearly showing.

Party 1 mulled over this, and then blurted out the question that he was wrestling with for some time : “Do you think girls like guys who can twitch their pectorals?”. 

I could detect a certain anxiety in his voice.

There was collective silence as the 3 parties brooded on this difficult question for the rest of their lunch.

All the 3 parties looked like the fit ones who go to the gym - but when it comes to twitching the pectorals, it is a hard act to follow, undoubtedly.

Very insightful indeed. 

Yes, the open seating plan does have its advantages. 

Will You Give Me A Job?

OPEN LETTER TO VINOD MEHTA, EDITOR OF OUTLOOK MAGAZINE

Dear Editor,

I recently read an issue of Outlook after a very long time.  I notice that you are giving writing opportunities to unknown journalists such as Kumar Ketkar ("covered the collapse of the Soviet union") and Saba Naqvi et al - anybody who is willing to be virulently anti-Modi.  

I am a budding writer (www.vandram.blogspot.com) desperate for a break in journalism.  I am willing to do anything - even write anti-Modi articles - to get my name in print in such a prestigious magazine as yours.  The only subject I am NOT willing to write on is against Jewellery buying.  You see my wife hates anyone mentioning that jewellery is a bad investment, and since we stay in the same house, I am very keen on safeguarding my physical wellbeing.

With warm regards, an aspiring journalist

Ram Mohan Rao