On Bearded Outlooks & Cloudy Futures

For some time I have been considering growing a beard. This is not just because it is now seen as an essential requirement to become a President in certain countries. It is also because I thought I could compensate for my lack of intellect by growing a beard. You see all my intellectual professors, and Gurus in the Market Research profession have all sported lush beards, and I think growing a beard will give me the respect that has long been elusive.

The question is : what kind of beard? Should it be the lush beard that I often see nowadays on Egyptian TV? Yeah, several of my professors had those kind of beards. I considered it for some time, then I decided against it. Growing such a beard might get me into trouble with all those clean shaven, bad moral people who roam the streets of Cairo targetting women and bearded men.

Then I considered growing a Frenchy beard - you know the goatee – the kind of half-beard that is there only on the chin? This kind of beard is especially popular among Market Researchers who use it to good effect while contemplating a scruffy problem. But then it has become a bit too common. What I need is something that will make me stand-out – that will make people to immediately say when they see me approaching "Here comes an intellectual worthy of our respect".

So I finally thought I would grow a sailor's beard - you know the kind of beard that senior Admirals in the Navy sport – the beard that imparts a look of distinction, and that would especially go well with my elegant silver hair. And maybe that kind of a beard will make the watchmen outside client offices allow me entry without first checking whether I have come there seeking a donation.

So I waited for my next 5 day long weekend and grew the beginnings of a sailor’s beard. But before I exposed myself to the general public I, like a true Market Researcher, thought it prudent to get an opinion as to how it suited me – some ego-massaging suggestion on how elegant I looked, and what I can do to further fine-tune my beard to make it look more elegant..

So over Skype I showed my 5 day stubble to my wife and my daughter.

My daughter took a look at my elegant gray stubble and wrinkled her nose “You look EVEN more old now” she said.

I cleverly pretended to avoid noticing the insult:“But does it not go well with my grey hair – and does it not give me an air of distinction?” I countered.

My wife now intervened.

“You know it certainly looks good on you – certainly makes you look mature” she said.

I was ecstatic. I always knew the wife had a better taste in beards than my daughter ….

“BUT ….” She added. She said it with that peculiar emphasis that I have learnt to dread ….

“Yes?” I challenged defensively. I was ready to counter any sarcastic comment about my looks and age with a scathing rejoinder…. .

“It looks good on you …. But…. you have a disgruntled look when you have a beard ” she said.

That took the wind out of me. One can have shabbily dressed leaders. One can even have leaders sporting grey hair. But a leader walking around with a disgruntled look? That will be career suicide.

So I shaved off my stubble immediately.

My wife seems to have forgotten the entire episode because she did not comment when she next saw me without my beard. Being more clever than my wife, I have of course not reminded her about this subject either.